just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize