cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
