Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
