Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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