Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My dick has a subreddit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
