So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
