Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
