ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
