I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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