he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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