you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
