She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
