have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
