i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
