Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
