sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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