normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
