So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
