as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
