Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
