is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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