your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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