i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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