tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
