I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
