Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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