he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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