I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
