Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize