Non-Jews are for practice
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
