There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
