i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
