Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
