he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
