My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
