apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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