You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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