Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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