I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's rum buckets o'clock
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
