Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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