dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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