on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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