i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
