I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just want to make out with him forever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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