that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
