It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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