Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
