Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
