My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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