I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
