K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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