I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
