OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
