Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize