i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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