This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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