sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
