So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
