I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
