If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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