We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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