in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
