We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
