laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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